So, what’s the fix doc? Simple eye contact! Try it! The next time you’re fighting with your partner, remember to look into their eyes, and see if you can get them to do the same. Notice if anything changes. If you’re like most people, the intensity of the argument will decrease. You will hear better and feel heard. You will actually be responding to your partner, not some fabricated model held in your mind.
Make a policy with your partner – we can only argue when we are face to face, hand in hand, and eye to eye. Don’t let your very powerful human survival mechanisms run your relationship.